It’s all about little “faith” (diary entry - 25/03-09)

Dear diary,

Three years ago I was doing Diploma. My diploma days weren’t exactly bad, I won’t say so but it wasn’t the best days of my life I admit.

It started with those PG (post graduate) guys who used to show off their qualification and status. They showed us our place and we diploma students were reduced to nothing. I couldn’t be myself in presence of them because in my heart I had this feeling that I was nothing compared to them with their good qualifications. That feeling was eating me up and I almost lost my mind. Well I definitely lost my self-esteem and confidence.

Well it all started when my 12^th standard results came out. I found out to my utter disappointment that I did not do well and my marks were not good enough to qualify for the only college in Bhutan. It was probably the worst day of my life it’s a horrible nightmare and even today and it gives me shudder.

Tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked and my vision was blurred. On that moment all my big dreams crashed right in front of me and there was nothing I could do. Life stopped right there and I could see no future for myself. I cried and cried until there’s no tears left in my eyes, cried so loud that I disturbed my neighbors as well. My folks tried to console me but to no avail. I knew I could get nothing by crying my eyes out but at that time it seemed like a most sensible reason. I felt like killing myself and I tried blaming everything and everyone for my ill luck but in the end it boils down to one thing, “I could not qualify and that’s it”. I was so pathetic and so consumed in self-pity. I disappointed everyone: my parents, teachers, friends and most of all myself. All expectations my parents had of me were nothing. I crashed their dreams too. I gave them an additional burden because they had to then worry about my college education. I knew my parents could never afford to send me to college outside the country. They were not financially equipped for that matter. At that instant I decided that if I had to become a burden to my parents then I wouldn’t want to go to college even if going to college had been my dreams forever because I had no right to exert financial pressure on my parents.

Couple of days later, I went to attend an interview for a diploma course in IT (information technology) and I got selected. Although I knew my chance of ever going to college was over, a ray of hope refused to die in me. In my heart I had a feeling that, if not now, someday I would do degree and pursue my dreams. It was a secret promise I made to myself.

I had the same thought and determination that kept me going for 2 years of my diploma course; I had faith in god and in myself. I thought if I really wanted something so badly and if I worked towards it then I can achieve it. I believed one day a miracle would happen, I didn’t know how or when but I knew I’d go to college and that was some driving force in life that kept me sane.

Trust me it was a very long wait but in the end it was worth it.

It was in year 2006, after my diploma, my sister gave me the most pleasant surprise. She got me YES scholarship. I jumped up with glee and happiness. All my dead dreams re-surface once again. A new person was born in me with energy and dreams I never felt more alive in life. I could picture myself going to college and being with those people I used to envy. My pathetic, sorry-state life was over and a new life was about to born. Thanks to ITU for giving me this new life, a life full of dreams and ambitions. Today I stand as one proud and determined person. Those feelings of inferiority are no longer there in me. Today I am confident of myself and my ability and feel no less than my peers.

After three years of hard work I am almost done with college. Life’s been great in college. Today I stand proud and learned. I am a better person today and ready to go out there in the world and take up challenges. Today I feel life’s complete and I am utterly grateful to ITU for YES and for my life. I owe it all to ITU for making me a better person in life.

Without ITU, I would have been where I was before, a person as good as dead. But YES happened to me and I am grateful that I did. Today I have that confidence in myself that I can contribute to the society and to the world at large.

YES was truly a dream come true for me and for many others who received it. I would always remain grateful to ITU for making me a better person.

And like me, there are thousand of people out there who are benefited by ITU/YES. I am sure they all feel grateful to ITU for giving them a second chance in life.