As a kid we all wanted to become so many things but by choice or under compulsion many of us do not get to become what we wanted to become when we grow up. In a small country like Bhutan where population is less, opportunities are few.
A footballer in England has a celebrity status and earns millions of Dollars so does Sachin Tendulkar by cricket in India, earning crores of Rupees. The same cannot be said for Bhutanese people. In Bhutan, a footballer cannot choose football as his career because that’s not enough to earn his living. A Bhutanese footballer at the most can play at the national level, as soon as he goes out of the country, he loses the very first match to the opponent and returns home empty handed.
Although the Bhutanese small society has always been an advantage to its people but sometimes I can’t help but wish for a bigger country, more people and varied opportunities. The disadvantage of having small society is that there’s no audience and opportunities are restricted. Here in Bhutan people just prefer to stay in the ‘comfort zone’ by opting for the civil service because it’s safe and pays your bills at the end of the month either you work or don’t, leaving aside your hobbies and passion as past-time stuffs irrespective of your talent.
Every one of us wants to become famous and to crave our name in the society. I’d very much like to become a singer, but I have no good voice. Then I wanted to become an actor but I have neither looks nor the talent. So the other day I was thinking what would I have to do to make my existence known to others?
Finally I have figured out what I’d want to become in my life eventually; I could become a Talk Show Host. I was thinking it wouldn’t have to be as big as ‘The Oprah Winfrey Show’ neither as cheesy as ‘Coffee with Karan’ but it can have it own identity. With this thought in my mind, I logged in to my facebook account, created an application titled “The Ganzin Talk Show”, uploaded my logo but I couldn’t come up with a caption. I thought it should be something catchy so I thought would ‘Speak out your mind’ do? But that sounded like cliché, used often before. After debating arduously with myself I gave up and logged out of the facebook.
That night as I went to bed, I was thinking about that day and suddenly I was scared. Was I crazy to even think such thing? A Talk show host? For God’s sake, what’d I even talk about? Who could even come to my show? I’m not a famous face in town; nobody would even bother to watch. With hardly any audience, BBS would never consent to broadcast it. I was insane to even consider risking my career to give in to passion. I could never do this, at least not yet. With that emotional turmoil playing around in my mind, it was impossible to sleep. Then I rubbished away the thought and tried to think like a matured, wise woman. When I finally dozed off, towards the dawn, I’ve promised myself never to consider mixing my hobbies and passion with real stuffs.
I’ve kept that promise and never thought of it until I typed it here, at this moment…..
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dear God: who's God?
Dear Lord, with its all knowing, all seeing, all having ability,
is google God?
If google is only a software, what about its creators?
are Larry Page and Sergey Brin God?
If your argument is that they are human beings,
what about those 4 spiders that crawl over the world wide web?
are they God or only computer applications?
Well, my dear God, what about Mark Zuckerberg,
the inventor of facebook?
is this college kid a genius, for bringing together millions of strangers all around the world,
the person responsible for doing away with the boredom
and reduced productivity of employees in the office.
Perhaps, he's the messenger of God,
sent from heaven to help lonely people on earth?
But if facebook and google are god,
surely Bill Gates cannot be far behind,
for inventing the Microsoft, the world is indebted to this guy.
Without windows there's no question of technology
Just as people cannot do without food, so the entertainment,
Perhaps Angelina Jolie is Goddess?
with her beauty, talent and acting,
the world cannot do without her charms,
forget about providing homes to the homeless
But if we consider all those famous as God,
there surely would be unlimited Gods.
we'd want only one God, let that be you,
for in your hands, fall the responsibility of the world
is google God?
If google is only a software, what about its creators?
are Larry Page and Sergey Brin God?
If your argument is that they are human beings,
what about those 4 spiders that crawl over the world wide web?
are they God or only computer applications?
Well, my dear God, what about Mark Zuckerberg,
the inventor of facebook?
is this college kid a genius, for bringing together millions of strangers all around the world,
the person responsible for doing away with the boredom
and reduced productivity of employees in the office.
Perhaps, he's the messenger of God,
sent from heaven to help lonely people on earth?
But if facebook and google are god,
surely Bill Gates cannot be far behind,
for inventing the Microsoft, the world is indebted to this guy.
Without windows there's no question of technology
Just as people cannot do without food, so the entertainment,
Perhaps Angelina Jolie is Goddess?
with her beauty, talent and acting,
the world cannot do without her charms,
forget about providing homes to the homeless
But if we consider all those famous as God,
there surely would be unlimited Gods.
we'd want only one God, let that be you,
for in your hands, fall the responsibility of the world
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Love Tri-Angle
My love life has ended before it could begin because some old hag of a woman chose to haunt my life as a ghost from his past. I never did see this coming but even a man has more past than just meet-the-eye.
I met this guy about an year ago through chat and we had it going strong until recently. I thought this time it’s serious not like in the past but in the end all guys are same. Maybe God in heaven has already marked me as a confirmed spinster, maybe marriage was never meant for me but still sometimes it's sad to see none of my relationships working.
It's still a mystery whether the problem lies with me or the guys I've been seeing. I was about to fall in love when his past unfolds in front of me. My trust in him shattered when this middle aged woman emerged from his past, a woman seemingly had been financially supporting him for the past 6 years when he was still in college. Now that he's done with college she isn't willing to let go of him so easily. I have heard of female prostitutes but never a male whore.
I never thought a guy can sell sex for money neither did I think a time has come for women to opt for paid sex but then in our case it's understandable; a middle aged woman might have to pay if the guy is young enough to be her son.
Well in the end, I was but a mere pawn in the game played by an old woman and a manipulative young man. I was in rage but there was nothing I could do except let go of him. I didn't blame him for his past because I have no rights to but I'm insulted that he kept seeing her while he was with me. My only comfort is that I didn't do anything I might regret.
He did insist that he was done with her and that he wants a fresh start with me but if there was actually a ten months old baby involved then I didn't think we could start afresh. I might sound selfish but I never liked the concept of step mother or being one to a baby. I'd never be able to love someone's baby as my own when it's not, in fact I might even despise this baby because it reminds me of its mother.
After weighing all the pros and cons I had to back out of this love triangle. Even now I feel very sad, my pride is hurt most because a guy chose this old woman, mother of 3 teenage children to me but then all's well in the end. I could never be able to raise a husband, support him financially because my mindset is still conservative, and I believe a man is supposed to support his wife and family not the other way round.
All i did was remove him from my facebook friends' list, delete all his text messages and his mobile number from my cell and it's as if he never existed at all, that phase of my life is over and perhaps for good. The advantage of having a strong heart is it's easy to fall in love and easier yet to fall out of love. I didn't shed a drop of tear neither is my heart broken; it's still intact and inside the rib cage.
I met this guy about an year ago through chat and we had it going strong until recently. I thought this time it’s serious not like in the past but in the end all guys are same. Maybe God in heaven has already marked me as a confirmed spinster, maybe marriage was never meant for me but still sometimes it's sad to see none of my relationships working.
It's still a mystery whether the problem lies with me or the guys I've been seeing. I was about to fall in love when his past unfolds in front of me. My trust in him shattered when this middle aged woman emerged from his past, a woman seemingly had been financially supporting him for the past 6 years when he was still in college. Now that he's done with college she isn't willing to let go of him so easily. I have heard of female prostitutes but never a male whore.
I never thought a guy can sell sex for money neither did I think a time has come for women to opt for paid sex but then in our case it's understandable; a middle aged woman might have to pay if the guy is young enough to be her son.
Well in the end, I was but a mere pawn in the game played by an old woman and a manipulative young man. I was in rage but there was nothing I could do except let go of him. I didn't blame him for his past because I have no rights to but I'm insulted that he kept seeing her while he was with me. My only comfort is that I didn't do anything I might regret.
He did insist that he was done with her and that he wants a fresh start with me but if there was actually a ten months old baby involved then I didn't think we could start afresh. I might sound selfish but I never liked the concept of step mother or being one to a baby. I'd never be able to love someone's baby as my own when it's not, in fact I might even despise this baby because it reminds me of its mother.
After weighing all the pros and cons I had to back out of this love triangle. Even now I feel very sad, my pride is hurt most because a guy chose this old woman, mother of 3 teenage children to me but then all's well in the end. I could never be able to raise a husband, support him financially because my mindset is still conservative, and I believe a man is supposed to support his wife and family not the other way round.
All i did was remove him from my facebook friends' list, delete all his text messages and his mobile number from my cell and it's as if he never existed at all, that phase of my life is over and perhaps for good. The advantage of having a strong heart is it's easy to fall in love and easier yet to fall out of love. I didn't shed a drop of tear neither is my heart broken; it's still intact and inside the rib cage.
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