At home next to my house lives a strange family. They used to be such a big family that anybody new in the village would never be able to understand their relationship to each other. I had difficulty myself till I was in my late teen.
Well at first I thought theirs was a cozy family but years down the line the family turned creepy. Gradually everyone started dying. The wife is a drunkard. There are two children in the family. Though the husband is a very hard working man his saving is not enough for the family’s survival.
The eldest of the two children is the son. He limps terribly and the daughter (Sonam) though quite dark is fortunate to have all senses intact. There are six siblings of the wife. Her folks died long before I could remember. Well one day, the wife in her drunken state fell from the stairs and she was paralyzed below her waist. Now there was no hope of her ever walking for the rest of her life.
All she could do was to peep out of the window and talk to the pedestrian passing by near her house. Then one day the wife fell seriously ill and had to be taken to hospital. The husband had to nurse his wife in the hospital, left his two children at the mercy of his wife’s sister (children’s aunt). The aunt in-turn had to go away on business to earn her bread left the children with her husband and daughter.
The aunt’s husband (let’s call him uncle), took advantage of the situation. He now started molesting Sonam every night and threatened to kill her father if she uttered a word of it to any soul. Poor girl, she became victim to minor rape but there was nothing she could do except to bear with it.
Then after a couple of months in the hospital the mother succumbed to death. There was no money in the family because the father was nursing the mother. The father had to take loan and neighbor’s help for the funeral. Then every sibling started dying. It was as if the mother has opened on door to the death for them. Since the mother’s death, all of her six siblings died except for one, her elder sister.
The wife’s elder sister, who was then married to the husband’s father who in-turn died, married the widowed husband and started living with the husband and his two children. It was actually time for mourning but the husband could not find time since he owed so much money to the banks and neighbors. Hence life had to go now and he worked hard but that was never sufficient for the entire combined family.
The new wife came with her spoiled brat of a daughter and never treats the husband’s children well. Then the husband knew about the rape of his daughter and had the uncle arrested. Now they had to take in the uncle’s daughter too since the aunty also died after the mother. Now there was one more mouth to feed and it also meant more sweating for the husband.
And life goes on and on. Fortunately there are been no death since. I believe the devil meant to spare the last sibling. Adding fuel to the fire, the traumatized daughter couldn’t qualify for the eleventh standard in the government school so the father had to take more loans and raise pigs to pay the daughter’s very high school fees.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Why I love reading
It was in the year 2000 when Sonam Kinga (deputy chairman, NC) and his colleague visited our school during the ‘reading week’. He was so fluent in English and it was wondrous to listen to him speaking. Since he was so good I never thought he’d be good with Dzongkha. But when he actually spoke in Dzongkha he was fluent there too.
Gosh! The guy was admirable. Then he shared his little secret with us. He said he has read more than 300 novels. I was inspired by him. I had never read anything before so in my 9th standard I started with my first books, ‘Nancy Drew’ and ‘Hardy Boys’ but I am not ashamed in admitting it. You always have to start somewhere right? Though I started late, I felt it was better late than never.
Since then I have read more than 300 novels too ( don’t get me wrong there I keep count of every book I read in my diary), though I couldn’t be like Sonam Kinga, I’m glad he has introduced me to the world of information. Books are truly a man’s best friend and windows to the world.
Gosh! The guy was admirable. Then he shared his little secret with us. He said he has read more than 300 novels. I was inspired by him. I had never read anything before so in my 9th standard I started with my first books, ‘Nancy Drew’ and ‘Hardy Boys’ but I am not ashamed in admitting it. You always have to start somewhere right? Though I started late, I felt it was better late than never.
Since then I have read more than 300 novels too ( don’t get me wrong there I keep count of every book I read in my diary), though I couldn’t be like Sonam Kinga, I’m glad he has introduced me to the world of information. Books are truly a man’s best friend and windows to the world.
Vegetating Graduates
Is it because of the unemployment problem in the country that so many graduates: be it degree or class 12 or 10 are vegetating at home? Every year thousands are graduating and only the cream gets employed and rest just frustrates.
Maybe it’s time you ask yourself what’s lacking in you that when others can get, why not you? Maybe there’s something wrong with you. Maybe your grades are not as good as the next guy or maybe you don’t have the interview skills. Whatever the problem is, it’s high time you pause and assess yourself.
The Genpact lady was right. I think it’s important you check your resume (CV) every often and see if it’s changing. Otherwise it means you have been idle for sometime.
It’s amazing that graduates can just stay home and be a burden to their parents. What’s the need for one to graduate if only to stay home and do nothing? It’s no use taking your frustrations on your parents. It’s not their fault that you didn’t get employed.
One can only wonder how those grads can live with guilty conscience and shame staying idle when your employed friend could have earned thousands in that time you were vegetating.
Maybe it’s something to do with our Bhutanese attitude. Our attitude was never right for a start. We Bhutanese always seek working in a cozy office even when your grades aren’t so well.
Life, even in a country as small as ours have become, “survival of the fittest”. The competition is always stiff. You can’t simply expect to apply for any post all by yourself because for one vacancy there will be hundreds applying so better be prepared for the battle. It’s always the best man that wins.
Yet there are people with good grades but fail at the interview. In such cases you need to sharpen your interview skills. It’s not wrong to browse the net or ask your friends about the interview process. You can practice in front of a mirror or even ask your friend to assess you.
Is our ego so big that we can’t stoop to Blue Collar jobs? You only get what you deserve. Maybe it’s time you know your worth instead of letting your ego come between you and work.
Maybe it’s time you ask yourself what’s lacking in you that when others can get, why not you? Maybe there’s something wrong with you. Maybe your grades are not as good as the next guy or maybe you don’t have the interview skills. Whatever the problem is, it’s high time you pause and assess yourself.
The Genpact lady was right. I think it’s important you check your resume (CV) every often and see if it’s changing. Otherwise it means you have been idle for sometime.
It’s amazing that graduates can just stay home and be a burden to their parents. What’s the need for one to graduate if only to stay home and do nothing? It’s no use taking your frustrations on your parents. It’s not their fault that you didn’t get employed.
One can only wonder how those grads can live with guilty conscience and shame staying idle when your employed friend could have earned thousands in that time you were vegetating.
Maybe it’s something to do with our Bhutanese attitude. Our attitude was never right for a start. We Bhutanese always seek working in a cozy office even when your grades aren’t so well.
Life, even in a country as small as ours have become, “survival of the fittest”. The competition is always stiff. You can’t simply expect to apply for any post all by yourself because for one vacancy there will be hundreds applying so better be prepared for the battle. It’s always the best man that wins.
Yet there are people with good grades but fail at the interview. In such cases you need to sharpen your interview skills. It’s not wrong to browse the net or ask your friends about the interview process. You can practice in front of a mirror or even ask your friend to assess you.
Is our ego so big that we can’t stoop to Blue Collar jobs? You only get what you deserve. Maybe it’s time you know your worth instead of letting your ego come between you and work.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Thank god! It was just a nightmare..
I had a very vague recollection of being in the queue, lined up for something like a meal. My stomach was making sounds and I was wondering when my turn would come for the queue was very long.
Well one moment I was there and the next I was being snatched away. I failed to see the face of my captor because he was behind me. Large hands gripped my under-arms and I was taken away, as one of the chosen ones.
There were around few girls whose faces were vaguely familiar because they were there among the crowd, in the queue too. I didn’t know why we were kidnapped and brought here.
The place looked like a hotel lobby and people there were very casual with us, as if kidnapping girls is their everyday job and not crime. Finally the shrewd looking lady appeared. Something tells me that she’s the mastermind behind all these. It finally dawned on me the purpose of us being there. The lady was so cruel when one of the girls complained. She was so casual when she said what we are to be doing to her customers.
At first she didn’t notice me sulking in the dark corner but then she came to me and asked what my problem was. That was when opportunity presented itself to me. I faked sickness, fortunately for me I found a wound on my tongue then. I explained why I won’t be able to do what she wants me to do with my mouth to her customers.
Just then a stout, fair and ugly man appeared on the doorway. After scanning the girls, he said to the lady that he wants the girl in a red jacket. My first instinct was to check my jacket which to my relief was not red. After the man was gone, the lady again turned her attention to me and said I could go and rest and come back later. I thought she said I was free. In my mind, I thought I could go from there and bring authorities with me and rescue the other girls as well, though I didn’t dare voice out my thoughts, but the lady only meant I could rest in the premises of her hotel where her people could keep an eye on me if I was up to anything mischievous.
Just then, a cheerful girl came in. in her hands she had a rubber glove the doctors use for operation. I believe she’s the only girl who came to the hotel willingly. With her glove, she said, she intends to use on her mouth when she performs task for the lady.
I felt trapped then. I thought there was no end to this. The lady lured us to believe that it was only for one time but somehow I had the feeling that the lady meant to keep us there permanently. Just then I was lead upstairs to rest. Within a short span of hours, I planned so many escape plans but it was out of question with so many employees and male customers around.
Upstairs there were so many cubicles each with a cozy bed and outrageous photographs of models hung at the post of the beds. It gave me Goosebumps thinking I’d be occupying one of the cubicles soon and entertaining the lady’s customers.
The lady ushered me into room in which there were several gamblers but nobody too any notice of me when I passed them. For them a scared and pathetic looking girl is an everyday event. The lady shoved me on the bed next to the gamblers and told me to take rest before she comes back to fetch me. But sleep was out of question since I had to plan an escape first. Through half-opened eyes I noticed the lady exited the room leaving me to the mercy of the drunken gamblers. When she was gone, I cried my eyes out hoping some of the gamblers may help me but they didn’t even take any notice of me. As far as they were concerned, I did not exist.
I looked about my surrounding but no escape was deemed possible. The hotel was huge and breaking out of it seemed near impossible task. If I ever attempted I’d be caught by the hotel employees or the customers, loyal to the wicked lady. I felt truly trapped but I was still contemplating an escape before the filthy men could lay a finger on me. I was in agony but nobody even bothered to ask me what happened. These men out there were all animals and I promised to myself that if ever I got out alive, I’d take each and every one of them down. I’d inform the authorities about the kind of business being operated in that hotel and ruin the evil lady.
Suddenly I felt very breathless and woke up with a start. I found myself sitting straight in my bed. Thank god! It was just a nightmare. Even if it was just a dream, the experience felt so real. It’s still fresh and vivid memory in my mind.
Now I can understand how some women end up in flesh trade business (whore), by circumstances and I can feel their agony. I just wish I could do something for women forced into this business….
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
An Interview Experience
It’s true the “Tell me about yourself” is a million dollar question. The question is meant to set the stage for the interview process. It’s from this question the interviewers get an idea about you and would set the stage on fire.
I made the mistake the first time. It was in Bangalore and I went to give an interview for a BPO job with IBM. The first question asked was “tell me about yourself” and I have a good reason to believe that I bored the interviewer with all the schools and institutions I attended and my academic performances. I should have known better than that but that was a hard learned lesson. Since then I promised myself to do better than that in future.
So before the RCSC VIVA I prepared for the said question and went. There everybody said that same thing. It’s important how you introduce yourself. The questions are all based on what you said in your introduction, said everyone who’s already given the interview.
Finally it was my turn to go in. I was bit nervous at first but the interviewers were all very friendly. They said to treat them as family members, which of course wasn’t possible but still it was kind of them to be so considerate I believe.
Well the first question I was asked upon being seated was of course, ‘introduce yourself in 1 minute’ and I began as follows:
My name is ______ and I am from ______. When I was a little girl I thought I’d grow up to be a teacher not because I was interested in teaching but because teaching was the only profession I was aware of then.
Well as I grew up, I used to read lots of books and novels so I was like ‘that’s it. I want to become a reporter, a journalist.
But when I didn’t qualify for Sherubtse College after the completion of my 12th standard way back in 2003, I had to opt for what seemed like a second best for me then, a diploma (DIMS), in RIM, Semtokha.
That was the first time I was introduced to the real IT world. Though I had taken computers as a subject in my 9th and 10th standard, the real interest came to me only during my diploma days.
I was intrigued by VB, web designing, CCNA (computer networking) etc. the technology was simply too much for me to resist and I loved my subject.
By then reading and writing was pushed to the back of my mind. It became something like a hobby or passion for me.
Well after the completion of my 2 years diploma I worked for 3 months in BNB but I wasn’t satisfied. I felt the need to upgrade my knowledge and fortunately for me I got a scholarship too so I went down to Bangalore to pursue BCA. It was a 3 years’ course and I completed last June. Since then I was preparing for RCSC and here I am.
I don’t know how good it sounded to the interviewers but that was the best I could do since I didn’t have much achievement to boost my ego. Well that really set the stage on fire because the questions following that were as follows:
1) Well you said you wanted to be a journalist. Who inspired you?
2) You said you read many novels. What types of books are you into? Do you read M&B, thriller, romance etc?
3) Name some books of Dan Brown
4) Since you have had Diploma and the subjects you learn in Diploma and degree are similar, did you find BCA easy? How did your diploma help you?
5) You said you worked in BNB and liked it there. Why did you leave it?
6) When you were working in BNB, how were you treated by the other employees? Did you have any difficulties interacting with people from the management background?
Etc etc and etc. I could answer some and couldn’t answer some. That was a very good experience and though I wish I could do better but I am glad that I did my best.
So it’s my advice to all the people out there, if you happen to attend any interview, just take few minutes and a give mental preparation as to how you want to go about answering the very first question. Make sure you don’t bore the interviewers with every little cheesy detail. Also don’t keep it just to your name, place and qualification because it’s important that you include your hobbies and interest but be brief.
I made the mistake the first time. It was in Bangalore and I went to give an interview for a BPO job with IBM. The first question asked was “tell me about yourself” and I have a good reason to believe that I bored the interviewer with all the schools and institutions I attended and my academic performances. I should have known better than that but that was a hard learned lesson. Since then I promised myself to do better than that in future.
So before the RCSC VIVA I prepared for the said question and went. There everybody said that same thing. It’s important how you introduce yourself. The questions are all based on what you said in your introduction, said everyone who’s already given the interview.
Finally it was my turn to go in. I was bit nervous at first but the interviewers were all very friendly. They said to treat them as family members, which of course wasn’t possible but still it was kind of them to be so considerate I believe.
Well the first question I was asked upon being seated was of course, ‘introduce yourself in 1 minute’ and I began as follows:
My name is ______ and I am from ______. When I was a little girl I thought I’d grow up to be a teacher not because I was interested in teaching but because teaching was the only profession I was aware of then.
Well as I grew up, I used to read lots of books and novels so I was like ‘that’s it. I want to become a reporter, a journalist.
But when I didn’t qualify for Sherubtse College after the completion of my 12th standard way back in 2003, I had to opt for what seemed like a second best for me then, a diploma (DIMS), in RIM, Semtokha.
That was the first time I was introduced to the real IT world. Though I had taken computers as a subject in my 9th and 10th standard, the real interest came to me only during my diploma days.
I was intrigued by VB, web designing, CCNA (computer networking) etc. the technology was simply too much for me to resist and I loved my subject.
By then reading and writing was pushed to the back of my mind. It became something like a hobby or passion for me.
Well after the completion of my 2 years diploma I worked for 3 months in BNB but I wasn’t satisfied. I felt the need to upgrade my knowledge and fortunately for me I got a scholarship too so I went down to Bangalore to pursue BCA. It was a 3 years’ course and I completed last June. Since then I was preparing for RCSC and here I am.
I don’t know how good it sounded to the interviewers but that was the best I could do since I didn’t have much achievement to boost my ego. Well that really set the stage on fire because the questions following that were as follows:
1) Well you said you wanted to be a journalist. Who inspired you?
2) You said you read many novels. What types of books are you into? Do you read M&B, thriller, romance etc?
3) Name some books of Dan Brown
4) Since you have had Diploma and the subjects you learn in Diploma and degree are similar, did you find BCA easy? How did your diploma help you?
5) You said you worked in BNB and liked it there. Why did you leave it?
6) When you were working in BNB, how were you treated by the other employees? Did you have any difficulties interacting with people from the management background?
Etc etc and etc. I could answer some and couldn’t answer some. That was a very good experience and though I wish I could do better but I am glad that I did my best.
So it’s my advice to all the people out there, if you happen to attend any interview, just take few minutes and a give mental preparation as to how you want to go about answering the very first question. Make sure you don’t bore the interviewers with every little cheesy detail. Also don’t keep it just to your name, place and qualification because it’s important that you include your hobbies and interest but be brief.
Too good to be true
Last time I have read of reports in kuensel where some women where four Bhutanese women were cheated of so much of money on the promise of getting work and visas in the UK. In our everyday life we get spam mails promising millions of dollars, conning the innocent people. Most people fell prey to such junk mails.
It happened to me too. Few years ago when I wasn’t aware of this things happening, I got a mail saying my email address was chosen by the committee and that I won 2 million USD, which of course sounds too good to be true. I was so excited so I called my sister immediately to share the good news but I was rubbished by my sister saying that it’s just a spam.
It was an embarrassing thing and I was glad I didn’t share it with anyone except my sister. I was supposed to send them my address and bank account number so that they can transfer the huge amount to my account. That wasn’t all because these people asked me to send few hundred dollars which according to them should cover the expenses involved in the transfer.
How are they going to benefit from this? They ask me few hundred dollars at first for the charges. If I had been stupid enough to have sent the amount, they would ask me again and again and which eventually would become a good amount. Thank god I did not have a fat purse.
Although I was new to this thank god I didn’t act reckless because you never know what would have happened to me otherwise.
In our everyday lives many people fall victims to the spam mail but they should have known that this thing is ‘too good to be true’.
It happened to me too. Few years ago when I wasn’t aware of this things happening, I got a mail saying my email address was chosen by the committee and that I won 2 million USD, which of course sounds too good to be true. I was so excited so I called my sister immediately to share the good news but I was rubbished by my sister saying that it’s just a spam.
It was an embarrassing thing and I was glad I didn’t share it with anyone except my sister. I was supposed to send them my address and bank account number so that they can transfer the huge amount to my account. That wasn’t all because these people asked me to send few hundred dollars which according to them should cover the expenses involved in the transfer.
How are they going to benefit from this? They ask me few hundred dollars at first for the charges. If I had been stupid enough to have sent the amount, they would ask me again and again and which eventually would become a good amount. Thank god I did not have a fat purse.
Although I was new to this thank god I didn’t act reckless because you never know what would have happened to me otherwise.
In our everyday lives many people fall victims to the spam mail but they should have known that this thing is ‘too good to be true’.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Uncertain future
RCSC exams are over and at the briefing they announced the availability of six slots for some 150 plus people in my category. At first I couldn’t believe my ears, I thought I heard it wrong but friends affirmed it.
I still tend to believe it was some sort of nightmare. Last year they had 30 slots and this time only 6. Having not done the written exams particularly well I can’t help worrying. Why does it have to happen to me only? Why this time, why not the previous years? So many questions pop up in my head but I have no answers.
Even with the exams over there’s no rest to the mind. Tensions pile and there’s no certainty whatsoever of the future. Where would I be one month from now or two months? What am I suppose to be doing?
There are around one thousand graduates appearing for RCSC exams out of which some 200 will be placed with RCSC. Where will the rest of the grads go? There’s hardly any vacancies in the corporate and private sector.
Seniors and civil servants say RCSC has adopted some policy of “zero growth” which means they would not be recruiting any more people into the civil service only inter-ministerial or inter-departmental transfer is there. But where will the grads of this year and next year and the next next year go?
What’s the zero growth? Is it some kind of dirty joke? Maybe the government should tell the students to stop studying or stop pursuing further studies. Well if there’s no job in the market then why waste time and money to get educated?
I still tend to believe it was some sort of nightmare. Last year they had 30 slots and this time only 6. Having not done the written exams particularly well I can’t help worrying. Why does it have to happen to me only? Why this time, why not the previous years? So many questions pop up in my head but I have no answers.
Even with the exams over there’s no rest to the mind. Tensions pile and there’s no certainty whatsoever of the future. Where would I be one month from now or two months? What am I suppose to be doing?
There are around one thousand graduates appearing for RCSC exams out of which some 200 will be placed with RCSC. Where will the rest of the grads go? There’s hardly any vacancies in the corporate and private sector.
Seniors and civil servants say RCSC has adopted some policy of “zero growth” which means they would not be recruiting any more people into the civil service only inter-ministerial or inter-departmental transfer is there. But where will the grads of this year and next year and the next next year go?
What’s the zero growth? Is it some kind of dirty joke? Maybe the government should tell the students to stop studying or stop pursuing further studies. Well if there’s no job in the market then why waste time and money to get educated?
On the road to recovery – II
Finding a baby sitter is no easy task. Not because they aren’t available but I wanted the best for my children. A babysitter is someone who will be spending a long time with my kids so I was particularly careful and choosy.
I have contacted the agency many times and they promised to send me one by the end of the week. Well they did at last but what they didn’t tell me was my babysitter is a man in his thirties when I had hoped for some elderly lady.
I argued with the agency that they would send me someone good but they insisted he’s the best they have. What I didn’t know was “Tenzin” is a man’s name in some faraway country called Bhutan. I should have sensed it but I didn’t doubt for a moment that my babysitter could be a man because I had this notion that babysitting is women’s job.
Nevertheless he’s really good with the children and that served my purpose but the man is really getting on my nerves these days by being really sweet to me. A flirty man is the last thing on my mind now. After an awful divorce I even loath to look at any man let alone get involved.
He really is an impossible person. I have reminded him many times that his work is to only look after the children and not do everything in the house but in vain. Apart from his name I know nothing about him and yet the man seems trustworthy and I feel comfortable to let the kids alone with him all day. In the evening when I home after a long tiring day at work, there would be some coffee and snacks waiting for me. He would always keep the house very clean and help the kids with their home work, takes them to park or walk sometimes. In nutshell, my babysitter has become a ‘jack of all trades’ in my house.
The kids really like him and we are all very comfortable in each other’s company. Somehow he’s become a father figure to the children. To a stranger or an observer, we might look like a happy family but I have come to sense the danger in the whole thing. Sometimes I would raise my head at the dinning table to find him watching me. There are times when I have seen the desire in his eyes. The last thing I need now is a gorgeous man. I resent the fact that the kids are really attracted to him. They will suffer when he leaves us in a couple of months.
I started avoiding him these days because I have no time for trouble in my life, at least not now. So I started coming very late from work (after he left for his place), but it so happened that he was waiting for me one night. I faked headache and was going directly to bed but I was stopped. He called me coward for not being able to confront my feelings. He confessed that he’s been in love with me ever since he first laid his eyes on me. I wanted so much to reciprocate his feelings but I couldn’t. Not after how I was hurt the first time and not after Adam but he insisted that not all men are Adam and that he’s different.
He also said he wished to marry me and adopt my kids. I wanted to say yes but something held me back. I think it’s something to do with bad experience. After that night I feel myself so attracted to him. I knew I loved him too but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Maybe it’s not love. Maybe it’s just some temporary attraction which will go away soon and then what? I can’t do this to the kids and I can’t do it to myself, not again and not after what happened with Adam.
These days I am torn between my head and heart, each has different ideas. My heart says to love him in return because he’s worth it but my head tells me to be a sensible girl and not get hurt again. What am I suppose to do? Whom should I listen to – head or heart?
I have contacted the agency many times and they promised to send me one by the end of the week. Well they did at last but what they didn’t tell me was my babysitter is a man in his thirties when I had hoped for some elderly lady.
I argued with the agency that they would send me someone good but they insisted he’s the best they have. What I didn’t know was “Tenzin” is a man’s name in some faraway country called Bhutan. I should have sensed it but I didn’t doubt for a moment that my babysitter could be a man because I had this notion that babysitting is women’s job.
Nevertheless he’s really good with the children and that served my purpose but the man is really getting on my nerves these days by being really sweet to me. A flirty man is the last thing on my mind now. After an awful divorce I even loath to look at any man let alone get involved.
He really is an impossible person. I have reminded him many times that his work is to only look after the children and not do everything in the house but in vain. Apart from his name I know nothing about him and yet the man seems trustworthy and I feel comfortable to let the kids alone with him all day. In the evening when I home after a long tiring day at work, there would be some coffee and snacks waiting for me. He would always keep the house very clean and help the kids with their home work, takes them to park or walk sometimes. In nutshell, my babysitter has become a ‘jack of all trades’ in my house.
The kids really like him and we are all very comfortable in each other’s company. Somehow he’s become a father figure to the children. To a stranger or an observer, we might look like a happy family but I have come to sense the danger in the whole thing. Sometimes I would raise my head at the dinning table to find him watching me. There are times when I have seen the desire in his eyes. The last thing I need now is a gorgeous man. I resent the fact that the kids are really attracted to him. They will suffer when he leaves us in a couple of months.
I started avoiding him these days because I have no time for trouble in my life, at least not now. So I started coming very late from work (after he left for his place), but it so happened that he was waiting for me one night. I faked headache and was going directly to bed but I was stopped. He called me coward for not being able to confront my feelings. He confessed that he’s been in love with me ever since he first laid his eyes on me. I wanted so much to reciprocate his feelings but I couldn’t. Not after how I was hurt the first time and not after Adam but he insisted that not all men are Adam and that he’s different.
He also said he wished to marry me and adopt my kids. I wanted to say yes but something held me back. I think it’s something to do with bad experience. After that night I feel myself so attracted to him. I knew I loved him too but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Maybe it’s not love. Maybe it’s just some temporary attraction which will go away soon and then what? I can’t do this to the kids and I can’t do it to myself, not again and not after what happened with Adam.
These days I am torn between my head and heart, each has different ideas. My heart says to love him in return because he’s worth it but my head tells me to be a sensible girl and not get hurt again. What am I suppose to do? Whom should I listen to – head or heart?
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