New year's Resolution

My new year's resolution is to come out clean; quit smoking and perhaps exercise more.

Smoking is bad, I know. Every time I smoke I get scared of cancer and dying young. Perhaps the disease has caught up with me even but I have no way of knowing since I haven't had health check-ups done in ages. One particular instance gives me shudder even now, last time my hair fell handful.

What started as a young girl's fancy has now become a woman's agony? I'm not a public smoker and a very few people know that I do. That's because I only smoke in the vicinity of my bathroom or the verandah, making my family the passive smokers. I hate doing it in public and I hate the smell when others do it and yet savor the smell when I smoke. Trust me; I'm not proud of it.

When it comes to smoking it's like, "I know I can quit smoking, I have done it hundred times before". In my case, I'd quit for a day and the very next day, before I know it I'd be standing by the pan shop. It's a sheer addiction and I curse that day in 2005 when I tried hard to learn from my seniors in RIM.

Come 2011 and I'd have to quit forcefully if not willingly. I'm glad the Tobacco Control Bill has been passed just in time. I can only hope for stern rules and reluctant shopkeepers, who wouldn't sell to me even if I begged on my knees.

Though I've always thought of myself as a good girl but smoking has marred my image, now I'm kind of disfigured and scarred for live and I've but long lost this decent girl image of mine. It's one bad habit that I've developed over the year and something I've come to regret a lot in the recent years.

The coming year I'm really hoping to come out clean even if it means for me to seek the help of rehabilitation centers (rehab), though my problem is not as dramatic but if it helps. In 2011, I hope the government can put total ban on the sale and use of Tobacco products, let them imprison the users. Let the rules be so strict that shopkeepers quit selling out of fear and the smoker quit smoking for the very same reason.

I'm really working towards achieving my resolution goal; I've been clean (of cigarettes) since yesterday morning. It's a small start but you have to begin somewhere right? That’s what I have done.