Since the last day of Paro Tsechu I haven’t had much of sleep. The night before I could go to bed at 11 pm and wake up at 2 30 am. It was more than an hour’s drive to Paro. Along with thousands other devotees I had the blessing from the holly Paro Tsechu Thongdrel. When we returned to Thimphu, it was already past 9 am so I had to report directly to office.
That was 4 days ago. Since then I didn’t get enough sleep to rest my exhausted body. Day time in office and night time there’s always some problem with the system so I had to stay up all night. Today’s my fourth night of sleeplessness.
Sometimes I wish I could really lash out at somebody, or even cry to let out my frustration but when I think about it there’s nothing much I can do but resign to my fate. This is a life I have made for myself and can’t really blame anyone, like it or not. I can’t really call it a life because I haven’t been living for a long time now mostly due to that fact that I have been doing nothing a normal person does. Where I reside, there’s no clear distinction between a personal life and the professional one for I have jumbled up everything like a thick vegetable soup.
Friends are accusing me of not responding to their chat, not calling them and not keeping in touch but I have always excused myself, thinking “next time I’ll, as soon as I get time to” although that time has never come so far.
At this juncture of my life, I have neither friends nor foes because I have lost all my good friends and I never got time to make foes. At times I wonder if I am really living for I have become more of a robot oscillating between home and office and yet when I have the leisure I can’t rest because I feel restless, a void in me seeming like something is missing and I feel like a school girl having bunked the classes and scared of being caught by the teacher.
If only I could redo everything, bring my life to the normal track I have been traveling before, things would be so much simpler. …
3 comments:
madam you got it right... I do accuse for not responding me and I will accuse you for that. I already told you.. if you dont have time to reply then why to sign in and keep it open. Today I say hi n no reply... tomarro i say hi and no reply.. again next day i say Hi and still no damn. I am sorry if it has hurt you or if I have hurt you but yea I cannot make a fake excuse and accuse you. And I also did warn you that I am sensitive.
I dont have any rights to complain those indeed but as being a trusted fren I couldnt hold myself and refrain. Its not that I want you to respond me and reply me but atleast you could drop and say.. I am busy.
For those, I cannot blame you even coz its my mistake too. I always take others easy like myself. I think others like myself. I care others like myself. I never see wether the other person is busy or wether the other person is not on her desk. I just go on with my talks and my own definations. So sorry for that.
But whatever... I have proved you that I am a fren who cannot be trusted and depended. So maybe i dont deserve to be your fren even though I dont want to break our frenship. I am sorry for hurting you.
You might have read my article“. My friends got a horns after getting job " I do regret that I said something like that because now when all of my friend said what exactly been going through .Stanly explained me what exactly was happening It’s not So easy to earn money . Now you might have known how difficult is to earn money, I do realize that you are very very busy but still once in a while saying he will makes us also feel better. While logging in you can just say “hi I was busy” yesterday
You do reply or not you still you remain my one of best friend ever and will never change even if you meet me after 100years
there are people who think i'm on FB 24X7 but the truth is i alys open it first in the morn and forget to close till after 5 pm since we use rdp and it remains hidden from me.
@soenam: i'm sorry again for not replying your chat msgs. henceforth i'd alys remember to stay offline unless i'm free to chat.
@mithun: i didn't have much time to chat and keep in touch with u but u know u'd alys remain one of my best best frens ever. thanks for being so understanding. i ll try to update u with news of here once in a while.
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